In about two weeks this book, my book, will be available to the world. I'm feeling incredibly grateful to God for this gift and this journey. I'm humbled by the fact that someone, in fact an entire team of someones, at Paradigm believes that my work is good enough to market. I'm excited to know what the response is. I'm proud that my kids will get to hold this idea we've been talking about in their hands. They will see that dreams come true when you sprinkle hard work on them and douse them in prayer.
But, I am terrified!
I sent an advance copy to my dad last week. I never did write a blog post about finally telling my parents about the book. But, I did. My mom was here, and so I just couldn't hide it anymore, with all the last-minute edits and approvals and applications that were going on here (not to mention those darned pictures)! And, I couldn't tell Mom and not tell Dad. So, I told them rather unceremoniously and not at all the way I had planned.
Once I told Dad I was sending the advance copy (in eBook form), it took me at least two minutes to go ahead and just click "send." Once I did, it took me a few minutes to text him to let him know I'd sent it. Then, the real torture began - the waiting. Because, I was exposed. He would get to see the product of my dreams and hard work and prayer. And he'd make a determination of whether he thought it really was good enough. He read all of my stories in less than a day, and he said he loved them. He gushed, actually!
But, he's my dad. So, what about the world? What about you? Will you love it? Will you feel your money was well spent on words I poured over? Words I fought for?
I wish there was a way to send my stories out into the world on a trial basis to just see how readers will react. And a way to call them all back in if the reaction is negative; sprinkle amnesia dust over everyone who's read them. Forget they ever existed. Forget I'd had this ludicrous idea.
But, the world doesn't work that way.
In this world we must dream and hope and pray and try and expose ourselves and pray again and then wait...
I'm not so good at waiting.